


HTTYD/RTTE Scrapbook

by Oli_in_the_swamp (oliczek23)



Category: DreamWorks Dragons (Cartoon), How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Crack, Dialogue Heavy, Dialogue-Only, Gen, Other, Scrapbooks, Snippets, sometimes:
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:01:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29111244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oliczek23/pseuds/Oli_in_the_swamp
Summary: Random scenes that suddenly appeared in my mind at 3am that I might or might not be planning to put in my stories at some point.
Relationships: RTTE Gang
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is just me being silly. Most of the scenes will be presented in 'talks' format.
> 
> Well, saying that, enjoy.

**Heather:** If we locked Snotlout and Hiccup together with a perspective of staying locked up for two weeks I think it would be safe to assume that Snotlout would straight up DIE within the first three days.  


**Fishlegs:** Do you mean it as in, he would die without others to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid or dangerous, or that Hiccup would kill him?  


**Heather:** Either way works.  


**Astrid:** If we did this experiment I would place all my bets on Hiccup.  


**Fishlegs:** Hiccup? OUR Hiccup?  


**Astrid:** Yeah, he actually loses his patience way more often than he shows and with a constant annoyance being locked with him... *gesticulates the "die" symbol*  


**Ruffnut:** Oh yeah, I'm on team Hiccup too.  


**Tuffnut:** We once saw him punch Snotlout!  


**Astrid:** No way.  


**Tuffnut:** Yes way!  


**Ruffnut:** He knocked out two of his teeth!  


**Fishlegs:** Oh WOW.  


**Heather:** Suddenly I am team Hiccup too.  


**Astrid:** Wait, why didn't we hear about this sooner?  


**Ruffnut:** He swore us to secrecy?  


**Hiccup:** *appears behind the twins*  


**Astrid:** Uh-oh.  


**Fishlegs:** Sworn to secrecy you say...  


**Heather:** *emphatic hissing noise*  


**Twins:** *turn around*  


**Tuffnut:** Oh, hi H, how you've been?  


**Hiccup:** *unsheathes Inferno between twins' heads*  


**Hiccup:** Well it seems you need a reminder as to what exactly sworn to secrecy means.  


**Twins:** *run away*  


**Fishlegs:** Oh wow.  


**Astrid:** Why did you want to keep them silent? I mean, that's such a cool story!  


**Hiccup:** I am known to be a pacifist, why shatter the illusion?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here have some random snippets from healer!Hiccup AU.
> 
> I will present you no other context.

**Hiccup:** The smartest people on this island are in no particular order me, Astrid and Toothless.  
**Hiccup:** Because all of you are less intelligent than a fucking dragon.  
**Snotlout:** Hey, we're competing with a Night Fury!  
**Hiccup:** The fact that this is the smartest comeback you could think of really proves my point.

* * *

* * *

**Ruffnut:** I'm gonna tell her.  
**Hiccup:** NO!  
**Tuffnut:** Then I'm gonna tell her.  
**Hiccup:** NO NO NO NO WHAT DO YOU WANT NAME YOUR PRICE-  
**Astrid:** Tell who what?  
**Twins:** *smirk*  
**Hiccup:** Astrid! What a nice day isn't it, nothing to no one ahahaha-  
**Tuffnut:** Dear Astrid, are you aware that you-  
**Hiccup:** *whacks both twins with staff*  
**Hiccup:** That you NOTHING.  
**Hiccup:** *grabs the twins by their ears and tugs them away*  
**Astrid:** *confused Astrid noises*

* * *

* * *

Hobgobblers are those "unlucky" dragons, so the moment Gobber saw one he would want it gone, so a wild chase ensued and during it another few would pop out making Gobber freak out even more and then suddenly they hear Hiccup behind like:

"Is this a Hobgobbler I am seeing?" and Stoick is a little mad and out of breath and just immensely infuriated... 

"Yes! Those little beasts have eaten through three houses already and we can't catch them!"

"Gothi is running out of her Hobgobbler teeth supply, can you catch them alive?"

"We can't catch them at all is the problem! But if _you_ can get rid of them then I have no problem if they're dead or alive!"

And Hiccup smiles and starts gritting his teeth with a horrible sound. It's loud. And suddenly a Hobgobbler chased by Spitelout runs straight at him and jumps into his arms.

Stoick, Gobber and Spitelout trade looks like _what the Hel-_

And Hiccup cautiously rises a wing, another, looks the dragon around...

"Healthy, unharmed, a little shaken by the chase but otherwise alright. Time to harvest some teeth off you little fella!" The dragon licks him on the nose and he just takes it under his arm and goes away???? no harm done????

Gobber stares after him as the dragon cautiously licks a stripe up his arm and says "I am starting to suspect how he lost a leg, but I have no idea how he _haven't_ lost an arm."

And after a few seconds there's a crash and Stoick and Spitelout have to chase another and Hiccup appears (without a dragon _where did it go-)_ again like "THERE'S MORE???" and he starts making the sound again but this time with his staff and then he starts running as a whole horde of Hobgobblers chase him.

"Well," Gobber looks at his disappearing silhouette, "At least _we_ don't have a problem now..?"

* * *

* * *

"The nest has been destroyed for three years now."

"How did you know?"

"Because I did that. That's how I lost my leg."

"And... your fingers?"

"That's from when I learnt that not all dragons can be tamed."

"Oh."

* * *

* * *

"Ruffnut said our mothers have been discussing who we should marry with for a while... I guess I'm just surprised I haven't realized earlier with how many looks my mom gave me lately."

"Ah, so heart problem. Who's the lucky man gonna be? Snotlout? Fishlegs? Tuffnut? Or are you going to look outside the island? I heard Dagur is still not sure if he wants to marry Mala, and an union with Beserkers would be good for Berk-"

"Hiccup... I don't want them."

"Neither of the choices or..."

"No, not a single name you said."

"Okay, valid. Let's see... who else do you know in your age range... I guess I could introduce you to Throk, he's a little bull-headed but loyal-"

"Hiccup, you're not listening."

"Okay, I give up. What are you saying then..?"

"Hiccup..." she tries to turn around but he shoves her back in the position "Hey!"

"No turning around miss, I'm working."

"I- I can't just say that aloud while I'm turned back to you!"

"Well then you're gonna wait until you're dressed."

"Ah godsdammit."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Perhaps it will get written sooner now that I put it there...


	3. Snotlout being a good cousin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snotlout helps Hiccup work through some shit.

**Snotlout & Hiccup:** *fight fiercelly*

 **Hiccup:** *throws Snotlout's axe away and points the tip of his staff at his neck then slowly relaxes*  
**Hiccup:** Thanks for the sparring Snotlout, I really needed that.

 **Snotlout:** No problem.  
**Snotlout:** *picks himself up from the ground*  
**Snotlout:** So, you want to talk about that?

 **Hiccup:** It's... stupid.

 **Snotlout:** Tell me! What problems do you have?

 **Hiccup:** Marriage problems.

 **Snotlout:** With your track record you gotta be more specific.  
**Snotlout:** Is it about Astrid? Mala? Your *starts laughing* husband-in-law Dagur?

 **Hiccup:** Okay, _future_ marriage problems.  
**Hiccup:** The princess of Lektons wants the marriage to happen sooner and for us to attack Dermates as soon as possible, except I sent spies to Dermates and they're reporting quite positive about the feelings towards dragons and Lektons probably don't care for shit about dragons and only want our firepower so...

 **Snotlout:** What's the problem, say no.

 **Hiccup:** The problem is that Astrid matchmaked me with the princess-what's-her-name and she doesn't like Dermates so she'll try to push towards marriage too-

 **Snotlout:** Are _you_ marrying or is _she_ marrying.

 **Hiccup:** Well, me?

 **Snotlout:** So it's _your_ call if you do or not! Just say "no" it's that easy.

 **Hiccup:** Easy for you to say.

 **Snotlout:** And why won't you tell Astrid about the spies?

 **Hiccup:** Because she has contact with all the foreign states currently playing matchmaker so she can't know state secrets, so I can't even hint at that.

 **Snotlout:** Ah yes, that complicates things.

 **Hiccup:** I just- _UGH._

 **Snotlout:** Say what, you'll say no and hide and I'll handle Astrid.

 **Hiccup:** What?

 **Snotlout:** Send the letter to the princess, go to your usual hideout, and hopefully I'll make Astrid calmer before she reaches you.

 **Hiccup:** Snotlout, you have an inane ability to make Astrid angrier, this is not gonna work out.

 **Snotlout:** I promise to be on my best behaviour.

 **Hiccup:** Really?

 **Snotlout:** Anything for my favourite cousin.

 **Hiccup:** I'm your _only_ cousin.

 **Snotlout:** Which makes you my least favourite cousin too. Now go before I change my mind and snitch on you instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you didn't get the "marriage problems" joke don't worry, this AU is between like five people and I have no idea when I'll write it but long story Short Hiccup has several wives and husbands and because both he and Dagur are married to Mala, Dagur calls himself Hiccup's husband-in-law.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want more of this insanity check out my [RTTE scene rewrites series](https://archiveofourown.org/series/2103783).
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/OliSwamp) | [Discord](https://discord.gg/YgA4gry) | [Tumblr](https://oli-in-the-swamp.tumblr.com/) | [Carrd](https://oliswamp.carrd.co/)


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